The Kids….

Typically I don’t blog about my children or grandchildren but it seems to me that is what people want to see the most, how other people live and do things and even though my kids are adults they lead interesting lives.

I have 4 children ranging in age from 15 to 36. I had my first son at 16 in a time when teen pregnancies weren’t normal or socially accepted. I had no idea what I was doing and stuffed it up pretty bad, but God’s Grace was always upon us and our eldest son is a very well grounded, hard working young man. He is a fly in fly out miner, is about to build his first house. He has a good heart and is an amazing son to us. My second child I had when I was nearly 18, a girl, an angel sent straight from Heaven. In those days we were going to church and she was touched by the Holy Spirit which has given her a tough but safe life if that makes sense. God’s hand has always been on her, she is so kind, she has had a tough life as a child because I still didn’t know what I was doing, actually still don’t. She has 4 children, lives on a farm with the most wonderful man and she is incredibly selfless towards others. She epitomizes beauty inside and out. Then 6 years later I had another daughter, this one was a tough one, she was always destined to be a pain in the ass hahahahhaah, like honestly, she kicked all the way through the birth process, she was a fetal stress baby, and she screamed from the moment she was born until she was about 6 months old. She didn’t sleep through the night until she went to school, which set me up for a lifetime of no sleep, it became a habit. She was always into shit as a teenager but didn’t get into any real trouble, then she fell pregnant at 18, then again at 20 and then again at 24. It was during her last pregnancy that she was diagnosed with Crohns Disease, she nearly died because of regional hospital lack of knowledge in this area (a whole other blog post). The birth of her last baby also caused an infection in her uterus because after the c section they left a fair chunk of placenta in her that turned septic. She was so sick, lost 30 kgs in 3 months and was on her last legs, but the Grace of God came through again and sent us to a hospital with the top gastro doctors in our state and she was on the road to recovery. Needless to say that I had countless hours in hospitals with her and her newborn, sleeping in those shitty chairs and trying to look after my daughter and granddaughter, it was a test. She is great now, will be on meds forever but she is well and is an awesome mother, a super loyal, beautiful daughter who would literally do anything for her family. Her husband is amazing and thats another story too. He has stuck with her under extraordinary circumstances and he deserves his own blog post. Then there is our baby, the 15 year old, on the spectrum, pubescent teenager. The most beautiful child, but also the most sensitive, the most withdrawn, life is just too hard for him some days. He went to school for 4 years then I kept him home after they put him outside in the cold for disrupting the class, he had health issues, we had to be careful with him but the school thought it was ok to put him outside like a dog in the freezing cold. That was it, I took him out and homeschooled him, he really struggled with school, being around other kids and people, he hated it, he was always looking in the gardens for the rabbit hole to get to wonderland and he was always in trouble. Do you know, that from the first week of school until the last 4 years later they gave him a demerit for bad behavior every week. Now I went up to that school twice a day, helped with reading, sport, excursions you name it I was there, it made no difference and they treated him like shit. It wasn’t long at home before he had calmed right down and was a happy little boy again. Some people have questioned the way I dealt with it but I don’t really care, he is my child and I will protect him no matter what. Now he is going through puberty life has gotten tough again and he just wants to be left alone, BUT every night before bed he comes in for a chat to me, he ALWAYS hugs me good night and always tell his father and I he loves us, so not too bad for a 15 year old. He comes walking on the farm with me and we discuss stuff and he gets his fill of vitamin D. I don’t know what the future holds for him, but what does the future hold for any of us, God knows and that’s good enough for me.

So there you have it, my 4 kids, all with the same man, lifes been tough but we are a family, we are the closest you will get, we have people comment don’t upset one member of their family because the rest will come down on you too LOL but it’s true. My kids are my world and the reason I exist.

 

The Craft

I don’t remember a time that I haven’t loved craft.  I have done so much of it over the years, never really mastered any of it but it’s what I love to do when I am stressed, other than eat LOL! Let’s break this down…

Crochet – I remember crocheting at a very young age, I remember it clearly, I was home from school sick, and my mum taught me, she was a big crocheter and to this day still loves it, but what I remember was how frustrated I got because I couldn’t do a double crochet LOL! Now, it’s one of my favorite things to do at night, sit down and crochet blankets for the kids. My favorite thing to crochet is granny squares but I have made upteen stuffed toys along the way.  

Drawing – I also started drawing at a young age but I always sucked at it, I don’t have a natural talent there.  About 2 years ago I started to watch youtube and learn the techniques that I lacked.  I still have so much to learn but I have definitely improved, so much so, I was invited to put some work in an art show and sold all my pieces.  This is the one thing I could probably do all day if I had time. I feel really creative when I am drawing because I never really know what the end piece looks like compared to what is in my head.

Sewing – I have been trying to perfect sewing for a very long time, first I started with patchwork kids quilts and then progressed into making little girls dresses, dolls and now tote bags. I am still not perfect at it but I have a side hustle selling what I make so I must be not too bad. I enjoy sewing and I feel really accomplished when I see the finished product and think “Wow, I made that!” I use all recycled vintage sheets and pillow cases so I am proud to be upcycling and doing my part for a sustainable future.

Painting is next and my painted art is pretty out there, but its colorful and fun. I haven’t sold any of my painted art because I just don’t think its good enough, but whenever I have the chance I do it anyway.  I have a blank canvas waiting to be transformed into something weird and colorful!

Writing – I love to write, poetry mainly, but sometimes when there is an issue I am passionate about I write really good articles. You wouldn’t tell though by my blog posts, they lack creativity but this is how it rolls out of my brain today!  My poetry is good, it is usually addressing some issue I am having or someone close to me is having and I can express those things through poetry, well I think they are good.

I think that pretty much covers it all. There is a lot there and most of it these days I don’t get to because I work and have 13 dogs to help look after, so I am time poor.  I think regardless of age craft is a big part of life, whether you are good at it or not. Women will always try their hands at some form of craft. I can’t imagine a life or world without craft in it, without creativity in, without color in it, could you?

 

The Nannee…

Well I guess I should tell you a bit more about me. I am a middle aged woman going through menopause, doing it tough like all women at this age. I have struggled for years to find my identity even though it was staring me in the face, I fought getting old, I fought the fact that my family are my calling in life and I drove myself mad failing at a lot of things because I wasn’t pursuing what God’s call for my life was, I was fighting against it.  It wasn’t until 2 weeks ago when I realised this IS where I am meant to be, this IS what I am meant to be doing, this IS who I am meant to be.  I was so caught up in being something else that I totally lost focus on the most important job on this planet, mother and grandmother.  Don’t get me wrong I was still doing all the things, I am the central hub of this family, I am the one everyone leans on, wants to hang out with, calls upon asks for help. I am the gravy to this family steak I guess you would say LOL! Even my mother relies on me, it is a really heavy burden, she is old, on her own, impatient, entitled, emotionally unstable and really hard work, she has been my whole life but the Bible says to respect and look after your elders and that is what we do. Don’t get me wrong she has been there for us throughout our lives and if it weren’t for her prayers our lives would be so much different.

I live on a cattle property with my husband and 15 year old. My husband is the manager here, and while it’s a great lifestyle, it’s very stressful as well.  Our relationship has suffered coming out here to work, but we still hold strong. Just because our welfare system has made it easy to leave your spouse and live alone it’s not what scripture tells us. Anyway things aren’t that bad that we can’t get through them together, that has always been our motto and trust me our lives have been total chaos when we were young. 

I work as a real estate agent for my aunt, she is nearly 80 and still loves it, I hate it but it’s a job. I was once a very successful agent back in my 30’s but a near breakdown caused me to give it away for 13 years and I swore I would never go back but here I am today.  This is a tough industry, no scruples and probably not a chosen one for a person of faith but it pays some bills and I am grateful for that. I found it hard going back to this industry in my 50’s, there are so many young ones out there, vibrant agents, plenty of energy, no conscience and ties, makes it hard to compete.

I am a solitary person, I am happiest when I am alone, or with my dogs. I love the peace and quiet of my own company, I love not having to talk, I love not having to have an opinion on crap I am not interested in.  I love to read the Bible, in my opinion it is the best history and self help book ever written.  My favorite movies are adventures, and I will watch the same move 50 times if I loved it.  I love living on a farm, even though this isn’t ours. The freedom, the fresh air, the space around you is something you will never get in a town or city.  Country life can be tough, but I wouldn’t trade this lifestyle for the world. 

On a deeper level, I feel like a failure a good majority of the time, it stems back from my early years. I was always competitive at sport, I always got into the best teams, was always in the top 3 and it just wasn’t an option to be a loser.  Well that dumb attitude cannot be sustained throughout life and as I started to lose at stuff, I started to feel failure and it eventually engulfed every portion of my being.  If I didn’t do something properly it wasn’t a chance to do better or improve it was just failure, nothing more nothing less. That is such a toxic way to bring up kids and then at 16 I had a baby and my husband was a total asshole but just a kid himself. We were both raised with a poverty mindset, I was from a wealthy family in the city, he was from a poor family in the country but both families had a poverty mindset. It wasn’t until just recently that we have realised that this mindset has held us back our entire lives and caused me to feel constant failure.  So changing mindset at 53 is going to be challenging because we get set in our ways, but unless I align my mind with Heaven that poverty mindset will never go away.  As women we feel like there is always something we need to improve upon, that we are never good enough, the way we look is never good enough, they way we bring up our kids is never good enough it’s just such a curse society has put on us, but you know what, we need to stop listening to society and start listening to those around us who know us best, who loves us and of course to our Heavenly Father. Once we do that I reckon we can start to relax and really power ahead down the race track of life!

So that about wraps me up.  A mum, nannee, wife & daughter, why would I want to be anyone else!