I always think the first post of a blog is difficult. Where do you start on a brand new blog, what is the first part of this journey we want to discuss. I’m still not sure of the starting part but I am pretty confident of the middle part. The middle part is where I want to share my life as a grandma, I want to share the fight I put up with myself about becoming a grandma so young, and even today at 53, still not wanting to take on the ‘grandma’ role. Don’t get me wrong my grandchildren are the world to me, I always tell my kids that I love the grandkids more than them hahahahahah, of course just teasing them, but I didn’t want to take on the ‘grandma’ role. Typically I do all the things that grandma’s back in the day did, I crochet, I knit on occasion, I bake from scratch, I do all the things but at the same time I still work, I still feel like I shouldn’t qualify for grandma status even though I do all the things, I have tattoos for goodness sakes I don’t look like a grandma! But the truth is, regardless of all my kicking and screaming about being old enough to be a ‘grandma’, that’s exactly what I am. I became a ‘grandma’ without notice, I became the nurturer that only grandma’s can be, I became the safe place, the treat giver, the sanctuary and I didn’t even notice. I became the place the kids want to be on weekends, the place the kids fight over and the place the kids laugh and play and are free to be themselves. This is why I started this blog.
I have been struggling for years with my identity, the question of “surely there is more to me, surely God has a greater plan for me than just being a mum and nannee, surely there is ‘rock star’ status in there for me somewhere, I can’t JUST be a mum. These questions have haunted me for years now, I have spent a lot of money trying to be someone I am not, trying to ‘make it’ in the online space as a business person and entrepreneur, trying to ignore my actual calling in life which is to be a mother and grandmother. God gave me the grace to see it this far to SEE IT THIS FAR! It wasn’t until this week, sitting on the loo (God moves in really mysterious ways lol) that I realised I am ALREADY doing what I am meant to do. I am ALREADY the person He made me to be! I am not meant to be a flashy gazillionaire flying from one end of the world to the next, teaching how to make wealth, or teaching the next thing it social media or or or, you get my meaning. I am EXACTLY who I am supposed to be! I have to say this was a tremendous revelation to me and somewhat liberating. I am going to stop chasing the almighty dollar and re-focus on the important things which are my grandhcildren and my children!
Do you know even my craft was embarrassing to me, I didn’t want people knowing that I crochet or knit because it puts me in the ‘old’ category, how bloody stupid is that! I wanted to be the vibrant, young skinny real estate agent I once was, I didn’t want to be this ageing, overweight, greying old woman that loves to sit and do craft, but the fact of the matter is I AM that old woman. There are so many women out there under an immense about of pressure to stay looking good, get the botox, get the teeth fixed, get the hair fixed and nails etc etc and while I think looking after yourself is something we should do I don’t think our identities should be wrapped up in that like mine was.
I have a lot of stories to tell, I had my first child at 16 and my last at 37, all to the same man, my ever loving husband of 37 years. We have had terrible trauma in our lives with the death of my youngest brother who was more like one of our children. We have had few triumphs in our younger years but we seem to be getting a few more in our ‘older’ years. We have learned to trust God and walk in Faith which landed us this perfect job and positioning us to buy our own cattle property in the near future, finally, after dreaming for so many decades. I have stories of autism, menopause and mental illness which my mother suffers from, so I am hoping there is something that will resonate with everyone. I hope I make you smile and I hope I can shed some light on issues that you may be going through. I don’t know I just hope to help other grandma’s be the grandparents our younger generation need so badly. Grandparents are an integral part in a child’s life, it’s time to embrace that role. Welcome to Nannee’s Place!